Toilet Humor

I am not sure what our family's fascination with gross things is, but here is another gross story to be added to the archives.

We all know Hayden is one apple that fell way, way, way away from the tree. I am assuming that, for the most part, all human beings are similar. Hayden is probably the reason that you have to say "for the most part." This afternoon he was playing, and being Hayden, when, all of a sudden, he started freaking out and ran to the bathroom; he ran to the half bath in the entry. Paulette and I just laughed because it's Hayden and went on with whatever we were doing. A few minutes later, we hear Hayden freaking out because of something to do with "poop." Apparently, he had finished his business in the entry bath and had moved on to the toilet in our bathroom. When I arrived, Hayden told me, in a very distraught tone, there was poop on his underwear. Of course I'm looking around to find the underwear so I don't get entangled in it myself, but can not find it. Finally, I ask him where his underwear was and he told me it was in the toilet. Through some miracle, there wasn't actually anything on the underwear because, while it was very wet, the company that had joined it in the toilet was high and dry. Without asking any more questions I went bowl fishing and went on my way. This is when I began to develop the mental video of how everything happened. I figure that he finished in the entry bath, and then realized that the kids hadn't been dropped off at the pool yet so, to mix things up, ran to the other bathroom. (All of my kids only think there are two bathrooms in this house, unless it's the middle of the night, then there's only one bathroom and it's mine.) It was there that he must have begun his Michael Jackson Thriller routine. Put your imagination to work and picture a three year old doing the dance because they just can't hold it any longer, and then, with one swift Thriller kick, launches his underwear straight into the toilet. When he finally told me that he was finished, I went back in and inquired as to why the bathroom smelled so BAD. I believe this is how the conversation went:

Me: Why does this bathroom smell so bad, what in the world have you been eating?
Hayden: I eat breakfast hot pockets.
Me: Really, breakfast hot pockets make you smell this bad.
Hayden: I no eat poop!

I'm sure you had to be there for it to be as funny as it was for me, but I couldn't stay any longer (for two reasons, I was laughing, and the smell.)