Bad Grandma

Hayden has a tendency to blame someone else when he is doing something he shouldn't be doing. For example, if I want him to get out of the car through Kolton's door, and he wants to get out the drivers door, he will simply tell me that Daddy told him to get out that door, especially when Daddy isn't with us. So, last night, when we were trying to put the boys to bed, Hayden started jumping off of the ladder onto the bean bag. This is how the conversation went:

Mom: Hayden don't you dare!!!

Hayden: But Grandma told me to

Mom: Grandma told you to do what?

Hayden: Jump off the ladder

Mom: Grandma who?

Hayden: Grandmaaaaaa....Koren

ohhhh BUSTED!!!

Toilet Humor

I am not sure what our family's fascination with gross things is, but here is another gross story to be added to the archives.

We all know Hayden is one apple that fell way, way, way away from the tree. I am assuming that, for the most part, all human beings are similar. Hayden is probably the reason that you have to say "for the most part." This afternoon he was playing, and being Hayden, when, all of a sudden, he started freaking out and ran to the bathroom; he ran to the half bath in the entry. Paulette and I just laughed because it's Hayden and went on with whatever we were doing. A few minutes later, we hear Hayden freaking out because of something to do with "poop." Apparently, he had finished his business in the entry bath and had moved on to the toilet in our bathroom. When I arrived, Hayden told me, in a very distraught tone, there was poop on his underwear. Of course I'm looking around to find the underwear so I don't get entangled in it myself, but can not find it. Finally, I ask him where his underwear was and he told me it was in the toilet. Through some miracle, there wasn't actually anything on the underwear because, while it was very wet, the company that had joined it in the toilet was high and dry. Without asking any more questions I went bowl fishing and went on my way. This is when I began to develop the mental video of how everything happened. I figure that he finished in the entry bath, and then realized that the kids hadn't been dropped off at the pool yet so, to mix things up, ran to the other bathroom. (All of my kids only think there are two bathrooms in this house, unless it's the middle of the night, then there's only one bathroom and it's mine.) It was there that he must have begun his Michael Jackson Thriller routine. Put your imagination to work and picture a three year old doing the dance because they just can't hold it any longer, and then, with one swift Thriller kick, launches his underwear straight into the toilet. When he finally told me that he was finished, I went back in and inquired as to why the bathroom smelled so BAD. I believe this is how the conversation went:

Me: Why does this bathroom smell so bad, what in the world have you been eating?
Hayden: I eat breakfast hot pockets.
Me: Really, breakfast hot pockets make you smell this bad.
Hayden: I no eat poop!

I'm sure you had to be there for it to be as funny as it was for me, but I couldn't stay any longer (for two reasons, I was laughing, and the smell.)

That's Disgusting!!

A week or so ago Paulette noticed a bump near her right underarm and assumed it was an ingrown hair. She tried popping it and she even had me try popping it. I know that sounds pretty disgusting but keep reading it gets worse. Get your mental camera's ready and picture me with a small mag light in my mouth, tweezers in my right hand, and my left pointer finger and thumb intently playing with this lump under Paulette's raised right arm. Pretty picture right? She insisted that there had to be an ingrown hair in there somewhere and I insisted that there was not

Everyday she kept complaining that the pain was becoming worse and worse. By Monday she could barely use her right arm because it hurt so badly. Tuesday she was crying and could barely sleep because of the pain but still did not want to see a doctor because "it costs money." I think the intense pain and my insistence finally convinced her to see a doctor on Wednesday. She called her mom to see if one of the doctors at her office would look at it and he said he didn't dare mess with it due to its proximity to the breast and the sensitive womanly stuff associated with it. Kolton had his 9 month visit that day so Paulette asked Kolton's doctor to at least look at it and he confirmed that she definitely needed to go see someone soon. Paulette found a doctor that could see her after lunch that same day and rather than leaving with relief, all she left with was a prescription for antibiotics. Frustrated, she talked to her mom who said the doctor at her office would look at it for her and as soon as he saw it he got on the phone and called a surgeon that he knew and they were able to squeeze Paulette in yesterday afternoon. I started working from home yesterday afternoon because we are having some remodeling done at the office (you can't convince me this was just chance) and I got home just in time to run over near the hospital, on the other side of town that Dylan and Hayden were both born at, and pick up Kolton and Hayden. I got back to the house in just enough time to get Dylan off the bus. Sometime around 6:00 she finally saw the surgeon who looked at it and immediately sent her to the hospital to get prepped for surgery. By 8:00 she was already out of the operating room and her mom got her home by 10:30pm. Her mom stayed the night since I couldn't get out of going to work this morning because my boss is out of town and the remodeling started this morning. Fortunately I am working from home for the next couple of weeks until the office is remodeled and that should be just enough time for her to recover. We have never been told exactly what is was, but from the little bit that Paulette has overheard from the second doctor and the surgeon we think it was either an infected node or infected gland. What caused it, why it spread all the way to her elbow, we may never know

Here are the gruesome details. Basically she has a giant hole in her right armpit. Literally, a GIANT hole! She has gauze jammed in the hole which has to be changed daily by a nurse. The hospital could not find any home nursing companies that worked for them that serviced our side of town so since we have a friend who is a nurse the hospital told us that she could come over and change the gauze. Here are some pictures so you can see what I am talking about.



This is the hole right after she got out of the shower prior to having it repacked with gauze. Gross right? I know what some of you are thinking, get your minds out of the gutter. This is a picture of her armpit not a different part of her anatomy. Sickos! Also in this picture you can see how red the underside of her arm is. The redness (infection) goes all the way down below her elbow.




This is the 1/2" wide gauze that Paulette pulled out of the hole while she was in the shower. I laid it on toilet paper on the tile in the kitchen to put its length in perspective. Each tile is 16"x16" so it is about 55" long. I think that is taller than Emily. Only about 3' of fresh gauze went back in the hole but she said she would rather give birth than go through that again. Unfortunately for her she has to go through it everyday until the wound is healed, at which time it may be stitched closed. She is a very pain tolerant person but this seems to be more than she can tolerate and I don't blame her.